


Monster

by doctorivory



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 7: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Death Eaters, Gen, POV Second Person, Slytherin Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-06 16:28:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1864611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctorivory/pseuds/doctorivory





	Monster

Your mother kisses your forehead goodbye as you stand on the platform. Your father isn’t there. He was supposed to be but he got called for a raid and when _he_ calls you aren’t allowed to ignore it. Your mother did though. She doesn’t say much and you know she is just as nervous as the other parents- the light parents. She tells you to be good and shakes her arm nervously, the sleeve falling over her forearm. 

When you get on the train you try your hardest to avoid everyone who isn’t in Slytherin, everyone who isn’t one of you. There’s a mishap, you almost enter a carriage of Gryffindors from your year and the look you get- the one that tells you that you’re the worst person in the world- nearly causes you to cry. You freeze in the doorway, not for very long thankfully, and your best friend comes and grabs you to guide you to the carriage where the rest of your friends are.

There’s a Hufflepuff third year in the carriage with your friends. You recognize his last name and know he’s one of you even if he’s not wearing green and silver. It almost makes it worse. He’s so tiny compared to your fellow sixth and fifth years but he has the same panicked look in his eyes that you see every time you look in the mirror.

None of you talk about it but you’re all thinking it and you ignore the sneers and glares you get from everyone passing by. Instead you talk about the books you read over the summer and about anything that doesn’t have to do with home and the outside world. At one point a seventh year Gryffindor comes in and asks if you were doing anything to the Hufflepuff boy. You’re indignant and terrified and disgusted but you can’t let them see that and so you sneer at them and tell them they want to sit with you.

The Gryffindor doesn’t leave until the Hufflepuff boy quietly tells him that he wants to be there. You all breathe a sigh of relief when he’s gone but that sick feeling of panic is still there. It’s been there for two years- you’re used to it.

When you get off the train you walk beside your fellow Slytherins. You enter the Great Hall and clap loudly for the new Headmaster and less so for the new Dark Arts teachers. You shield the younger years from the whispers and you smile at the poor Hufflepuff boy. You ignore the stares and pretend you don’t hear the whispers.

They call you a monster.

You aren’t a monster though, aren’t you just like everyone else? 

You like eating chocolate down by the lake and throwing pieces to the Giant Squid. Whenever you drink too much fire whiskey you tend to kiss the first person you see and every Christmas your Gran makes you the best snickerdoodles anyone has ever tasted. Before _he_ came back your parents were talking about getting a dog and you were more excited about that than you were about getting a new broom.

Classes are the same except for the air of fear and panic that has permeated every part of your life. It isn’t until you get to Dark Arts class that things really start to change. The first week is okay. You’ve been surrounded by the Dark Arts all your life. It was the cautionary tale in your bedtime stories and the books you stole from your family’s library when you thought the house elves weren’t looking. You aren’t surprised to find you’re a natural at it. It runs in the family after all.

Then a first year Ravenclaw is late to class. Normally you wouldn’t care and you didn’t. Not until they became your day’s lesson. You get called up first.

You don’t want to hurt them- you don’t want to hurt anyone really. There’s fear in their eyes and it rips into your soul. You’re sure the same fear is reflecting in your own eyes. One of the teachers tells you to do it- tells you to Crucio them with all you’ve got. You don’t think you even have the will to do it. You almost refuse to.

Then the other teacher comes up and whispers in your ear. They tell you of the things they could do to you if you refuse, so nasty they won’t even let the other students watch. You’ve heard rumors of these teachers before, they were _his_ followers after all. Then they threaten your parents, of telling _him_ how you have failed and how you’ve become sympathetic to the Light. 

You don’t want to think about what could happen to your parents if you refuse.

It’s the first time you’ve ever performed an Unforgivable and it’s the best and worst feeling you’ve ever had. When the teacher tells you it’s enough you almost can’t stop. You sit back down in your seat and refuse to look at anyone else and after class ends you head for the nearest bathroom.

You almost don’t make it to the toilet before you’re throwing up and your breathing gets heavy. Every part of you feels disgusting and when you wash your hands you nearly take the skin off from how hard you tried to clean them. You refuse to look in the mirror, unable to face yourself and trying to block out the sound of the first year screaming in your head. The door opens and when you see a Hufflepuff walk in you dive into the nearest stall. Luckily they didn’t see you.

They call you a monster. 

Maybe you are one. You aren’t so sure anymore. 

Christmas approaches and you aren’t sure if you want to go home. Your family is being vague and though you ache to see them you both know that that may not be the safest or smartest move right now. You have other friends that are staying and you decide that at least at Hogwarts there’s no chance of seeing _him_. At least, you hope there isn’t. Your parents are disappointed but there is an underlying relief that coats every word of their letter. There’s also a sense of dread.

Before everyone heads down to the train you stumble into one of the seventh years. He looks sick and you recognize him as the one who held the first years when they cried in the common room after dealing with the other houses. You also recognize him as the one who has _him_ living in his home. You worry briefly about his safety as he walks out the doors. You aren’t sure what to think when he doesn’t come back.

You dream about your parents dying every couple of nights. Other nights you dream of dying yourself. Most nights the only thing you remember is the sound of screaming. Those are the nights you hate the most.

It gets easier as time goes on. You begin to forget the screams when you are awake and they never leave you alone when you sleep. Sometimes you find yourself wanting to use Dark Magic outside of class. The pull gets stronger and you find yourself itching for your wand. 

You start to hate yourself.

You keep your head high most days. You stick up your nose, stick out your chin, and avoid looking anyone in the eye, including your own reflection. You see your expression reflected enough in the eyes of your fellow Slytherins. Normally you can ignore the whispers but today you snap. You curse a Gryffindor fourth year in the hallway when they hiss an insult at you from between their teeth.

They call you a monster.

You believe them.

You get woken up in the middle of the night. There’s been a breach in the castle. Harry Potter is here and you know everything is going to end. Everyone is gathered in the Great Hall and the Headmaster flees. The other houses prepare for battle while they look at you with fear and hate in their eyes. A seventh year refuses to fight. You aren’t sure whether you hate her or you agree with her.

Your head of house ushers you away from the Great Hall and out of the castle. You think about leaving with the others but your best friend grabs your arm and you sneak away. You parents are coming and you’ll be damned if you don’t try and help them. Everything you’ve done so far is for them.

You run into the Hufflepuff from the train just as the fighting starts. Spells are going everywhere and you can’t tell which people behind the masks are your parents. You try not to be seen until the Hufflepuff sees his father. You try to stop him but he sends a curse at the Light person shooting spells at his father. The Light person doesn’t turn but sends a cutting curse back. 

It hits the Hufflepuff in the throat.

His blood splatters on your face and you nearly throw up. You want to stand there frozen but your best friend is pulling you away. You pretend you don’t hear the Death Eater discover his child but you were never very good at pretending. 

You’re out on the grass when your best friend disappears but it doesn’t matter. You find your parents instead. They’re fighting back to back, working seamlessly as a team the same way they always have. Even with the masks on you recognize the curve of your mother’s back and the way your father flicks his wrist while he’s casting spells. They’re fighting several students and two Aurors and you feel that they are gregariously outnumbered so you jump into to defend them. One of the students throws a cutting curse at you.

You manage to dodge.

You dive into the fray and make your way to your parents. Soon you’re fighting side by side with them but none of your classmates knows, they think you’ve joined the cause. A stream of fire flies through the air and rips at your mother’s sleeve. You don’t even think when you shoot a Dark spell back. It hits one of the students- one you don’t recognize. The one who cries out however was a Ravenclaw you used to have a crush on.

They call you a monster.

You agree.

The battle seems to go on forever and when _he_ calls a lull in the fighting you breathe a sigh of relief. Your parents are called back into the forest and they tell you not to follow. You don’t want to stay on the grounds of the school but your parents are adamant about _him_ not seeing you. Instead you run back towards the castle, discarding your tie as you go and hoping that no one recognizes you. You find your best friend again and they hide with you in the entrance hall behind that statue you used to make fun of every morning.

You try not to count the bodies that are carried past you. You don’t know how long you sit there but soon enough _he_ is coming back and he’s carrying a body as well. Harry Potter is in his arms and you can feel the world fall from beneath your feet. One of the Gryffindors kills his snake and everything devolves into chaos. You try to find your parents in the scramble but you’re too busy fighting for your life.

There’s lots of screaming and suddenly Harry Potter and him are dueling. Then with a flash of light it’s over. You feel just as relieved as the light side and are almost hugged in joy before they realize you’re not one of them. Suddenly you’re all being rounded up and you manage to find your parents this time. You’re mother has a large burn on her arm and your father is missing a few fingers but they’re alive.

You hug them happily and try to ignore the stares and the whispers. You smile weakly at your best friend as you leave but you know you won’t sleep tonight. Instead you throw up in the toilet and wait for the moment when the Aurors knock on your door to take everyone away. You look yourself in the eyes for the first time all year.

You call yourself a monster.

No one will disagree with you.


End file.
